How I wished dying is easy, so anyone can do it and have the courage to do it. Not as an escape but as a choice. The more I feel of wanting and needing to die the more I believe that God have let all the people died in suicide to die in their own hands. Because of their choice, their decision. It’s just a bonus if he use someone to stop you. I used to think many things about death, about my death. Every pain that strikes my very sensitive and fragile heart it breaks me for a while but kills me over and over again.
I feel like, I am drowning and I’m so scared to lose my breath. I am scared not because of death but because of never having a life with my inner self. But sometimes, when I feel that it’s God’s will, I enjoy it. I enjoy to taste the pain and let it melt anything what is good in me.
On august 10, 2018, my domain will expire. I have to close this book of mine and never come back. But for now I will continue spill the words of my fragile and foolish heart and sinful mind.
My purpose in life makes me feel like I lived to die without my inner self Free.
I love to write about these crazy things and crazy feelings. Though it’s pointless and have to trash it all in the end. My suicidal mind will never die even my flesh die.
*Written March 29, 2018 9:42 pm (Philippines Time)*