What depressing me every single day to live is to be with and live with lazy, and insensitive people. This is truly hard for me because I feel everything and they act like nothing is happening, that there is no problem. No matter how much I try to tell them, they still don’t understand.
How I wish they know that I tried to poisoned myself, that I drink a lot when I’m so depressed because of them, that I tried to cut, that a lot of times I think about death and my death. That there are chaos inside of my head when I’m hurt, when I’m failed, when I’m broken, when I’m lonely, when I’m hopeless. I guess, those things will bury with me.
Knowing my bestfriend have a facebook account and have a wonderful and blessed life, made me feel like I don’t have to worry about her anymore. And I feel like there’s a narrow door opened for me. A door to a place where I can go and find comfort.
Connecting again with a man whom can be my brother brought a simple happiness in my heart. I don’t know what kind of man he is, what he think of what kind of person I am, I don’t even care. What I believe is this, He and my best friend are my blessings.
No matter how hopeless I’m feeling, no matter how heavy the pain I carry each day, no matter how I wanted to die and disappear, no matter how much I want to hurt myself and destroy my body, there’s always unknown feeling I feel inside of me that gives me a reason to live for one more day, though sometimes I can’t understand that feeling.