Happy Birthday, Papang!

Happy Birthday, Papang!

My Papang is the most important person in my life. I am grateful because I had him as my blessing and now I have him as one of my treasure in this life. I believe that ‘Family’ is not always in blood. My father is my family in blood and in the spirit, that will never ever change.



Dear Papang,
Happy Birthday to you. Well, to be honest, I’m not happy not because it’s your birthday but because you’re not here anymore.. I miss you so much, Papang.. Where are you now? Are you in God’s side already? This is your first birthday without you. Thank you, you came into my life and you’ve been a great part of it. I accepted all your flaws and sins. Between us I’m the only one who’s lacked in giving and showing compassion and kindness. I never been obedient to you. I wasn’t by your side when you needed help, financially and emotionally. Forgive me if I abandoned you and I became selfish. I only saw my pain. I saw yours but I had the desire to replace those painĀ  but it’s too late. I shouldn’t wait for the time that I can help you. I’m sorry if I never had the courage. I’m sorry if I am so weak.

I love you very much, Papang. No one can take your place in my heart. My brain is damaged by all negativities and pain but you know.. your memories are very clear in mind even if I close my eyes.. I can see you, I can imagine you. I guess I didn’t save your memories in my brain but in my heart.

If you’re already with God please asks him that don’t allow me to give up that please send me thousands or millions of motivations and encouragement till I became someone I longed to be.

Pain visits all the time because of our family but this past few days I felt stronger than before, eager than before and hungry than before. Because of my purposes that I discovered and encouragement that gives flames inside me, I wanna keep on going, on living, and overcoming myself. Because my enemy is myself.

I miss a lot of things about you.. I miss your preaching.. I miss the days you visits me here.. I miss the moments that you led a prayer when we eat together.. I miss the moment I see you walking and eating. I miss your smile, Papang. I hope and pray that you’re smiling over me.

I promise you this.. this is not my last letter for you. Because in my life now.. I just got started.. I will go on with your memories I treasure.. I will live. I choose to live.

I love you, Papang.

Your forever bunso, Jane.